Tuesday, March 19, 2013

No matter what...



My love,
it was the Father's Day today in Portugal.. I realized only in the evening.. I felt so sad..
we haven't done with Oli anything special for you..
anything to mark this day..
the worst of all -what could we do anyway..?

I miss you so much, Helder.. and I miss you being here for Oli..
Every day I tell Oli how much you love her..  not 'loved'.. love..
For love doesn't know boundaries.. has no end..
Love goes on.. 

In one of Oli's books liitlte fox asks the big one:

''Does love wear out'' said Small, ''does it break or bend?
Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?''
''Oh help,'' said Large, ''I'm not that clever,
I just know I'll love you for ever.''

Small said, ''But what about when we are dead and gone,
would you love me then, does love go on?''

Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night,
at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.
''Small, look at the stars - how they shine and glow,
but some of those stars died a long time ago.
Still they shine in the evening skies
love, like starlight, never dies.''




Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Wherever you are..

Helder,
my love...

eight weeks..
eight weeks without you..

is it possible?
how is it possible?
why............?!
why you...?
why ...............us?

I still can't believe it is true..
tiny part of me know it is, I've been there with you.. until the end..
the whole rest of me however refuses to accept it..
with every beat of my heart I keep hoping that one day I will just wake up and ...
you will be there..  again.
but I can't awake..

I miss you so much..
it's burning..
I feel like to scream outside..
I wish I could..
how come I do continue exist without you....?!

I love you, Helder!!!
can you hear me?
love you so much..
wherever you are.