Friday, November 30, 2012

Delivery of happiness

These days the ones who deliver me energy and will to keep fighting are my friends that luckily come to visit me. There was somebody who I wanted to see again, it was my Portuguese friend Appamado, and apparently he also was waiting for this day, Last week Shubhi in one of her trips to the Amaravati monastery found Appamado and set up this meeting here. Today we enjoyed very much all the afternoon together, speaking and knowing a bit more each other.



Thursday, November 29, 2012

Justyna's dictatorship

I woke up very tired and upset, pain was around, through the morning I thought to not go to the Art class and stay again in the comfort of my bed, It was Justyna who pushed for me and told me to stand up, eat something and go. Sue took me in her car to the lesson. I was very pleased to go and to carry on with my duck, which is nearly finished. In the afternoon Sue came as well to enjoy a tea with us and played Uno with Oli.
Evening, we spent time with Shubhi, eating chestnuts, and chatting, Lovely time.
 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Loser or winner

Against the pain and discomfort in the stomach I am trying all the time to keep calmer, and wait for a chance that the things might improve a bit, at least to have a better quality of life. I am still almost all day in bed, today I started to watch another Detective Columbo series.
I was thinking how the people often put the things, everything must be seen as fight, with losers and winners, the same with fight with Cancer, if somebody survives he is a winner but if dyes he is a loser. It is not enough to die but he still need to take the burden of becoming a loser. I do feel that to be a winner or a loser is very much a matter of luck, it's not about being a hero or coward.
In the evening we had the visit of our illustrious friend Ryan, so nice to have him around.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Nothing to complain

We had a quieter day, not perfect, but also not to complain, I did not vomit, Olivia still did not go to the school but at least she did not have fever. Now Justyna is putting Oli to sleep and I am waiting for her, probably to watch a film or just to give her a big hug and say how I like her.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Night Lovers

Today the only thing that made me happy was just now, with the arriving of the night and the idea of taking two pain-killers and switch off my eyes and brain from the World. There, while I sleep, even if the dreams are tormenting me each time more, but at least I find sometimes some pauses and some peace.

Olivia is still with a lot of fever, she could not go to the school today, with me vomiting all day and with a grey and wet day outside, I think nobody in the World could say that the night is not really the best time of the day. Strange how could the people love the Night for different reasons.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Long sleep

This morning I recharged the batteries, my body was really asking for it - after a short wake up early in the morning to say bye to the family, as they took the cab to the airport, I went back to bed and woke up only for lunch, around 1.00 PM.

The day was in horizontal perspective, in bed, accompanying Olivia while she watched her cartoons. This afternoon we had the visit of Gosia, from tomorrow she will become our neighbour, she rented a room nearby as she starts to work in a coffee bar in Barnet. We are happy to be now more close with her.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Laughing for nothing

It is not easy to live a Life where the objectives are totally different from the ones I had some time ago, Nevertheless, I want to learn and to have the taste of the happiness as often as possible. To be happy I need to look for different things. Like this evening I was the happiest person in the World, sitting down and chatting with my family and friends, Veena and Krishna, who visited us in the evening.
I enjoyed very much the last day of my family in London, They are leaving to Portugal already tomorrow, but all the days we had them here we had a good time.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Worst is impossible

I do not know how to put this, for me it sounds abnormally normal, Probably the dream become to real to suffer in the reality, The tears and pain will one day bring me to the Real. Today the Oncologist opened and closed me the door for the last time. They decided that the Cancer is in fact growing and is now unstoppable  at least at the medicines hands. It was shock to listen and to see Justyna crying, I will come back home and I will be followed by the palliative nurses, I will not go any more to the hospital for appointments or even for scans. After Justyna 's question he said that my Life could go for a months, but probably not for a year.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Barnet Museum

Another night to forget, big pain and constantly diarrhea and vomiting did not allow me to have a good night sleep, Tomorrow I will see the oncologist and I hope I can hear answers for some of the problems that I have been having in the last weeks.

In the afternoon I decided to go out with the family to enjoy a day out with family, we went to the Barnet Museum, it was a perfect environment to have a calm afternoon. Kids enjoyed to do Quizzes along the Museum. Later, we went to a coffee shop to treat everyone with hot chocolates and chocolate muffins.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Clown Town

Today I was caught again by the belly pain and tiredness, Me and my mother decided to stay at home, while the girls and boy went to have fun in the Clown Town, and the reports says that there was plenty of fun.



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Family together

I had a day full of visits from my helpers, firstly was a lady from the citizen advice to see if we can have a better financial support, later was a nurse that was looking if I need some equipment at home to ihelp me getting around. I really never can complain from lack of support and love.

By the way speaking about love, My mother is spreading her love and care in all the little things, doing teas, and of course with cooking, this evening she offered us a great bacalhau.

The mood in the evening was memorable, after diner we spent time together around the table, it was a great fun, just drawing and let the other guess the picture.


Monday, November 19, 2012

The Intouchables

This morning we took Daniel to our local library. It was good fun for Oli to bring all the family to a place where she spends so much time and where she feels so confident.
Having everybody here means tasting delicious food which my mother makes and having some extra freedom - today Justyna and me were free to go to the cinema, for a long time Justyna wanted to go to watch the Intouchables, It was a great time together and the film is really worth to watch.

Lastly just to say congratulations to the avó Maria Rosalia, a friend of us and of this blog.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Castanha assada

The day though cold was full of Sunshine, we took advantage and we all went to the Friern Barnet Park, kids run until there was energy available.
At home I had a great nap, this before we went to the church, I have not been in the mass since June, having my mother here was an incentive to take me and Justyna back to the church.

At diner I satisfy another wish, eat roasted chest nuts, After a wonderful fish that my mother cooked today was the castanhas.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Indian reception

It was a great sensation to wake up in the morning knowing that all the family where here, probably because of that we all had a great night sleep. Everybody was in bed until 8.00 AM.
In the morning the mothers and kids went to cinema to watch an animation movie, Today Olivia and Daniel were already in tune, playing and doing naughty things together. Also today we distributed presents, Christmas spirit arrived earlier this year, Olivia was very happy with the gift from Alexandre.

While kids have been away, I stayed at home only with my mother, we just spoke and enjoyed ourselves.
The evening we all had a great time, enjoying an Indian meal cooked by Shubhi, all was delicious, but the important was just being together, strengthening the bonds of friendship and love in between all of us.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Family in London

Early morning and we were up already, Olivia stayed with her friend Kalina to go to school together, while me and Justyna went to the Royal Free Hospital. It was a day to know details about the exams. In the end I will need to wait for next week, As if I still need to go to an Oral exam to pass, what I hope will happen. The results from the scan were very diffuse:  the good news is that the tumours in the chest decreased size, and even one big one has disappeared. Unfortunately the tumours in the Liver grew and this is still the big worry. The Oncologist did not want to take any decision regarding what to do before he asks for the opinion of all the doctors in the multidisciplinary team meeting next Tuesday. I think they will look now for something that targets specifically the Liver instead of a chemotherapy that goes everywhere. Next Friday I should know the next chapter.

Until there I want to enjoy this week, We have already the Portuguese family here with us, Great to have around the people that loves us and we love them. The good feeling and security of having a nap with mother and sister around, like a baby, impossible to describe this things. Daniel was very happy to go to pick up Olivia in her school, he could not wait.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Exams over

The exam is already done, now we are just waiting for tomorrow morning to know the mark from the doctor, Only after I can enjoy fully the holidays, with all the family around. Of course as better the mark as more tasty will be the week.

Before I went to the CT scan I had the lovely visit from my friend Ken, a tireless and fraternal friend who goes around visiting people in need, he even does the shopping and distributes food to those who need the most. He is a very warm person, I like his simplicity very much.
Afterwards, I went back for another Art class, I think I slowed down my path, but I am still enjoying the moments in there, and this is the only thing important.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Bedroom my last resort

I had a very relaxing morning in the comfort of my bedroom, I think I got very much attached to my bedroom, and less I feel to go outside. Olivia was in the school and Justyna was in the Art class. At home I read a bit more of the never ending book from Ma Jian, Red Dust, such a shame I finished all the first series of Detective Columbo, a delight. And there was even time to finish to draw of a duck that I started two weeks ago in my Art class and has been waiting for the last touches. In the afternoon Sue came to my bedroom to explain me how to paint it, because I missed the last class.

Olivia had been observed last week by her teachers, they do it with all pupils in the school once during each term time, and today Justyna went for the meeting with teachers, we were very happy to know that she often puts the questions to the teachers, this when she does not know something and have doubts, I was not like that...
One thing to work with is maybe to incentive her to go more often outside, to be more in the fresh air and to explore the space out of her comfort zone in the classroom, Here she is like father, as I said nobody takes me out of my bedroom.
In the school they gave us another good news, they will authorise Olivia's absence from school through all the time when Daniel will be here, so they can spend all days together.

Back home, Olivia found myself in a good mood, trying to catching up the time I could not be so present for her, I read for her some books and we played the Memory, This game is a trap for me, she beats me every time. It is an Old rusted brain against a young and oiled brain. I need to look for games were I can be more protected.

From today I took a lot of rest and good moments, which I hope will serve the inspiration for tomorrow's CT scan.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

As a life of a student

This was a more normal day, with Olivia back to the school, I had more time to rest in bed and to stay with Justyna. We also are starting to organise things for the arrival of my mother, sister and nephew this Friday, it will be a big event to have them here again.
For me it is difficult to think much about their arrival, as until there I will still need to go through some important moments, I will have the CT scan this Thursday and next day the oncologist will reveal the reality. It is like a student who knows his holidays is starting Friday afternoon but also Friday he has an important exam in the morning. There is no space in his mind to think about the pleasures from the holidays, all seems very distant.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Helpers

I am the living example that the health system works here in England, Probably not so well before the diagnose four years ago, but after that a lot of different professionals have tried to help me and minimize our suffering. I am sure having this burden over me in Portugal, the things would be much more difficult and hard to go through. I had today the visit of  two different professionals, in the morning I had for the first time the visit of the district nurse, she promised me a new mattress and she offered to come to do my blood test in case if I would not be able to go to hospital.  In the afternoon the approach was more emotional , It was the social worker who came to talk to us, the conversation between her, me and Justyna did help me, not easy to open the box, but to be honest I feel now less pain and more relief, I hope Justyna feels the same.

Olivia still with the bug, she was coughing and with fever again, and Justyna took her to GP, hopefully she will be better soon.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Friends to remember

It was an intense day, full of surprises, good ones. It is now time to go to sleep and my heart is still in high beating rate, due to not having a chance yet to rest from all the emotions. I had the wonderful and unexpected call from my harem: ) angels that are always with me, a consortium of friends that never let me to go down. What have I done to have such a friends. If I did something to deserve was accidental, for sure. They had they annual gathering meeting, they looked all pretty and happy, it made me happy to see them.

Also today was a day for birthday parties, Justyna and Olivia went to celebrate with Gabi her 13th birthday, shame that I was too weak to go to Maria's house, but in compensation there was another party, which come inside my home, it was Khrishna's birthday, we all had a lovely time together. The other surprise through the day, was the visit of Jane, Mike and John, it was a long time since we met last time and it was great to speak again and see that everyone's life is on a good track.
Thank you all for the day.


Saturday, November 10, 2012

Scare of eating

It looks like the chemotherapy is taking a second gasp over me. After yesterday I felt calmer, today it was more present, my fingers were with pin and needles, and I was just very very tired. I decided to take the course of antibiotic, to prevent more problems, I have been with fever and sore throat. Difficult is also to taste and enjoy a proper meal, I do have appetite, but always after a meal I struggle with colics, which ruins the pleasure of the food. I can say that I am scare of eating.
In the evening we had a visit of our friends Shubhi and Tom, it has been a while since last time, it was lovely to see them with energy.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Off-sick

Olivia was today caught in a virus outburst at her school, apparently in the last days some kids called sick with belly pain and vomiting, Olivia started last night and carry on through all day today, Justyna has been trying to comfort her, with hugs, teas, books and with a lot of films :)
It is difficult for me, because I want to help but I know that my body is more unprotected than ever, and I am scare to get some bug. Today I had a call fro the GP to tell my white cells are low but still in the limit.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

9th day

Today passed the 9th day since the chemotherapy, and I did feel some improvements in my energies level, it was the first day I went out, nonetheless to go to the local Hospital to check out the blood count. I also adventured more on the table, I took bigger portions of food, this time without pain and vomits, only the colics keep upsetting me.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

This is love

Another night to forget, I could not sleep half night with pain, I was already in despair when I decided to take two strong pain killers. They really let me to rest better, but because I had it in an empty stomach, I was all day sick and vomiting. Of course, all this does not help me to improve, to get stronger and go out of the bed.
Nevertheless, I had some positive moments and thoughts today, my princesses offered me a beautiful rose, In spite of the problems I still have a lot to celebrate and to be happy.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Mcmillan nurse

This afternoon I had the visit of a mcmillan nurse, it was very positive experience to meet her, She advised us on how to better deal with pain and other disturbing symptoms. I really enjoyed to listen her calming words. 

Monday, November 5, 2012

Apple tree

The day went well until some point, I felt appetite for food but now in the evening I am very tired and struggling again with diarrhoea. While I watched the first episode of an old television series about detective Columbo, girls went to have a taste of lunches in Olivia's school. When Oli came back home we both enjoyed staying together in bed and watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame. In the evening Olivia had a sudden wave of inspiration and she started to paint, she called herself an artist :)


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Bed-centrism

Today, I only have seen bed, slowly I left the toilet and started to eat a bit more. I am again very tired and with some fever. It was me in bed and the princesses around playing and laughing.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Toilet party

Great to have today the visit of some Portuguese Comrades, Vasco, Sandra, Nicole and Tekas, who did a pit stop in his trips here in London and came to say hello to us. It was a nice time around the table, and to meet Nicole, his girl friend.
I did also enjoy the jacket potato, but since the afternoon I am again around the toilet, I think I am also affected by the Guy Fawkes Bonfire Night, whenever I listen a firework around the house I am running to the toilets as well.

Friday, November 2, 2012

"There is no Free Lunch"

I could not wait for the end of this week, radiotherapy and chemotherapy are already in the pocket, at least for the moment. In two weeks time we will find out if it was worth all this work. After a week doing radiotherapy, comparing with the very unpleasant sensation with the mask that I had in the first day, instead today, I almost could sleep inside the mask.

Days like today still make me dream that better moments are to come, because yesterday I was feeling awful but, another day brought me less pain and more energy. After the last treatment me and Justyna went for a lunch out in a Portuguese snack-bar, and I enjoyed the simple meal as I did not for a while. The only mistake was to bring a Pastel Nata. I ate it in the evening and the digest is paying out for that.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Halloween to not forget

Last night I had a proper Halloween night, I could not sleep anything, I do not remember to feel so much pain, I tried all the pills I had, inclusive very strong pain-killers, but nothing.. just pain, colic, constipation, diarrhoea and sickness through the same night. The witches did want me to remember their special day.

This morning it was difficult for me to get up and go to the hospital for another radiotherapy session, I could not believe when I finally got back home and lay down in my bed. I am still not recovered but I hope this will be a better night.