Dia das Bruxas 2012

I had my 3rd day of radiotherapy, by now I already get used to the sensation of those 15 minutes being locked inside my face-mask, the time pass much quicker than the first day. Fortunately, Olivia had a different day, with mother they went to watch a play, The incredible book eating boy and apparently Olivia enjoyed it very much, and in the evening she joined her mates and went around to terrorize the neighbourhood.

 

Radiotherapy/chemotherapy

It was a very long day for all of us in the hospital, At 9.15 AM I started to have my 2nd radiotherapy session, After the weird feeling inside the mask, today I felt much better throughout the procedure. Afterwards we went to the Starbucks's to use the time until the chemotherapy which was booked only for 12.00 AM, there I could rest in their famous sofas, and I was in urgent need to rest, I had all day a lot of needles sensation in the belly. Olivia was in her best, very calm and collaborating with us, just needed to be fed with books, paper and pens for her draws and to train her letters and words, suddenly she is recognizing more and more the letters of the alphabet. Together they waited for me in the hospital corridor while I was having chemo.

It was already after 3 PM when finally we could leave the hospital and go back home. Before that we had some food in a near coffee bar and I had a pain killer on the top of everything. This evening I am tired, but I had a good meal and I am ready to sleep.
Good Night :)

Radiotherapy

First day of radiotherapy, and I am already feeling tired. The most difficult of the process was to vest my mask and to be strapped down to the bed to be in line for the radiotherapy, it was a claustrophobic sensation inside so after a while I asked to be unwrapped for a moment to have the last breath before I go inside again. Then I managed to control the nerves and all went well until the end. Tomorrow the radiotherapy continues, and if that was not enough I will  also do chemotherapy.

When we came back home we only had time to say bye to Daniela, as she went back to Portugal.

Comfort food

I definetly recharged my batteries for tomorrow and for the next week, It was great to have the warmth of the friends around us, Not only me, but also Justyna and Olivia were in need of this. This weekend I saw more smiles that in all last weeks.

Today we had a dispute for the scramble master, the title went for Veena, but in the kitchen the master chef is Luis, In the morning he surprised us with a classic, Egg-in-the-Hole.
Daniela will still be with us for one more day. Tomorrow I will have my first visit to the Radiotherapy machines, hopefully they will downsize the tumours in the neck.

Good days again

For sure today there was few guys in the World who had a very happy and full fill day, I know that for my own experience, I enjoyed all the moments of the day, We went outside to take some Sun, had a lunch out in a great atmosphere. For diner, Luis was again in charge, Veena and Khrishna joined our family spirit. I think I will not write any more unnecessary words.

Half term

Since last night our house is more full, full of friends and happiness. Filipa, Luis and Daniela will be here with us for the weekend. This afternoon I found myself more positive and with a more healthy laugh, this because of receiving good energy from them. The day was frenetic, I saw the Oncologist very early, we had a very intense appointment. I will have a stronger pain killers, next Tuesday I will have another chemotherapy session, this will be at the same time as the Radiotherapy, which will continue throughout all next week, I just hope I will find energies for that. Only in three weeks I will have a CT scan and know if all this was worth. Olivia started today half term in the school, myself I will try to rest and relax this weekend, take the most of the time with my friends and recharge energies as next week will be very busy.

Bed taken away

Comparing with the days before, today was a much better day, I managed with more success the pain and the energy, I was in the Art class with a different attitude, more calm, relaxing and enjoying the minutes there. In the afternoon even if I wanted to rest in my bed I could not, as it was taken by kids.
Tomorrow, again a meeting with the oncologist, and more news and guidelines for the near future.

Aquarium

We had Gosia yesterday and today with us, Today she left and bus to Poland, in a 26 hour journey, she will need a lot of patience to be so long time on the road. Lunch time we still had time to go out, I used a break in a pain to go with girls, It was a good time together, and I enjoyed a jacket potato. Nevertheless after the good time, I needed to rush home to have my pain killer, as the pain came straight after food.

The painkiller gave me a big relief, I had an afternoon with much more energy, I went to pick up Olivia, I painted, I even tried to do some shelving for my bedroom. Now again I am feeling ants in the belly, probably advising me to take another painkiller.

Faith?

I tried to not take a painkiller through the day but instead some other pill to improve digestion, so far the result has not been great, as this was another day without too much hope. Justyna was telling to me to not lose faith, and to not be withdrawn from them, lost only in my pain and thoughts.

Inside the shell

I went to the Royal Free for the last preparations before I start the radiotherapy, scheduled for next Monday, I had a CT scan to my neck and they prepared for me a 'shell' - mask that will fit exactly my head and arms in the following treatments, in that way I will have my neck still and ready to receive the radiation in the right points. The process was not very comfortable, I waited almost one hour inside the mask, but though all the pain and panic I still had some energy that made me carry on until the end of the session and do not give up, probably is was just the gravity law.

Brave

In the day after the party, I woke up with belly pain, not in my best day. The girls had the plan to go to the lunch session in the cinema, to watch Brave, I felt much more comfortable in bed, but in the last minute I was scared to regret, and I dressed up and went as well. It was good to be with everyone watching the film, but even though from some point I could not wait to come back home. There I had a painkiller and I relaxed in bed, this while the princess played all afternoon, I could listen them with my eyes closed. This is enough to give me security and happiness.

Z okazji urodzin

It was a special day for all of us, our baby Justyna had her birthday. Olivia could not wait, just after 7 AM she woke us up and wanted to sing Congratulations to mummy. We tried to do a very simple day, and I think Justyna enjoyed the day, we had a morning around bed enjoying each other. I kept myself in a considerable good shape through the day, what was my promise. In the afternoon Shubhi offered Justyna a lovely Indian meal, Justyna was in heaven, as all of us.

Spoiled girl

I woke up tired,  it was a good idea to stay longer in bed, as I had such a great and peaceful rest this morning, I remember to be half asleep and have the head full of good an positive dreams. So by the time when Shubhi called us to pick us up for a lunch out, I was already in a good mood. The rest of the day was just wonderful, a long time I did not feel so good. In the day before of Justyna's birthday Shubhi wanted to spoil Justyna, she took us to a lovely countryside pub. It was great to witness the Autumn colours on the way, the rain in the country, but also to see people. In the pub I had also my gift, Fish and Chips. But, because Olivia was in the school, not with us, the day could not have finished there, we went back to pick up Olivia and went afterwards to a shop, Justyna choose few clothes, and Olivia had her chocolate Muffin :)
The way back home took us a good 2 hours, because of the traffic, but we made the best of it, we had a good time to share our human feelings.

Everybody had a day to remember. Even the pains and tiredness gave me a break, so glad. Justyna asked me just one gift for her tomorrow's birthday, to be with energy to celebrate the day together and  with some happiness, I think I can give that present.

Dark colours

Today the Art class was all about the Dark, to master the dark colours, something that I am an expert, of course. Through the day a thousand of thoughts and dreams knocks on my head, and between all of them dominant are always those dark ones. But I still hope for some light and more often I allow myself to say  Today was a Good Day.

This afternoon, I managed to go with Justyna to pick up Olivia from the school, this days this has been my top moment of the day.

Pumpkins and Marrows

I hope I will not feel this often, last night I was with a lot of pain, It is true I did not try the stronger painkillers, because they cause constipation, so I took only a couple of paracetamol, but apparently this is very mild. I turned everywhere looking for comfort to sleep, but soon come the morning and I did not rest. At least, through the day the pain has relieved a bit. The pain often is not letting me take advantage of being in bed, as I cannot focus to read or paint. This morning and afternoon in between the windows of more calm moments I managed to read and to finish my painting.

Chestnut harvest

We both, me and Justyna miss the Magusto, the roasted castanhas or chestnuts, and Justyna had a brilliant idea, take Olivia to a park, to show all the beauty of the Autumn  as of course the Autumn from home never will be the same as seen from outside, to Olivia witness the leaves dropping from the trees, to step on a bunch of thousand leaves on the floor, to discover new colours among the leaves. And of course we discovered a Chestnut tree, where we collect few of its fruits. Olivia brought home a basket full of leaves and chestnuts. I confessed, on the way until there I was so tired I almost gave up, only when I reached there, I found a bench to sit down and read a book to Olivia I agreed with myself that coming here was my best option. The pain and tiredness cannot take me down everyday.

Promises

I thought today, when I went to the Royal Free Hospital, I will have straight the first radiotherapy session, but no, it was an appointment to speak firstly with the doctor responsible for the radiotherapy, to discuss the plan. The treatment should start only next week and will go for a week. For now we will target the neck and if it works, in the future we can try in lymph nodes in the bowels, the ones that are really upsetting me, bringing me constantly pain. So it was quite a mix feelings appointment, for one side I listen another palliative alternative, what made me happy, but on the other hand, with my experience, nowadays it is difficult for me to believe in those promises.

Ready for new treatment

I cannot say: that is because of the lack of care of friends that I am not getting better, Today we had Veena and Krishna in the afternoon, they anticipate already the Justyna's birthday spirit :) Justyna was very happy with their surprises. For a while we all turned smiles and less cries.
Through the rest of the day I tried to recover from my sight in the mirror, the neck is not helping me to build my confidence with the chemotherapy, as the growth does not look like wants to calm down. It is always deception to see with your eyes what your heart does not want to see.
By the way, tomorrow I might give some shots to the neck, I will start the radiotherapy, aiming exactly that target.

Special meal delivery

In the morning I had the thought that today I will be able to go for a longer walk, but when I saw raining hails and the aspect of freezing outside I gave up the idea. I still have fever and cough, so it is better to keep warm and wait for better days. I did some more painting and I slept the siesta. In the evening I had few more energies to play with Olivia, something I have not done for a long time.

For the dinner we had a special meal delivery, Ryan brought us a meal that Shubhi knows that I love, rice with tuna, it was humm...

White blood cells up and running

The fever and the runny nose took me in the morning to the GP, from there to Barnet Hospital to check the blood count. In the evening the doctor called me to give me the good news that the white cells are up and normal, so I do not need to worry to go to the hospital. Nevertheless this evening the fever continues and I am very exhausted. The tiredness is due to the fact of being all morning out, out from my natural ecosystem, around the Bed.

There was also some progress in other plan, for the first time I took my paints and brushes out and started to paint, actually to carry on something unfinished.

This afternoon Olivia went to play with her neighbour Stella, it was the first time and apparentlly they had a very good time together. For me, I just look forward to another day.

Lady with Fan

After two weeks of skipping, today I could not miss the Art class, it was the first in this season that I really enjoyed, as the the last one and unique that I was present was not about watercolour. Shame, that on the way back walking home I caught a cold.

But, the big story of this day goes back to the end of the last day and beginning of this one. It was already after midnight when me and Justyna finished a marathon completing the 1000 pieces Puzzle from Gustav Klimt. Actually, turned up to be 999 pieces, one of the pieces got lost somewhere in the universe.

Distracting my thoughts

The formula to make my day easier was to tackle with a strong pain killer, which was not enough, but the afternoon/evening visit form Vasco helped me to distract my thoughts. Justyna is right, only when I have a friend around I do not complain and cry, when I am with Justyna often I am more sad.

Fresh air

I wanted for Olivia to come from the school and to go out, the excuse was to drop few items to the charity shop, Noah's Ark. One of the things we gave away was Olivias's tricycle, maybe she is now looking more for a bicycle. In the end of the day it is all about homo sapiens evolution, firstly tricycle after jumps to the bicycle.
This little walk drove me back home very tired, essentially it is the pain in my belly that worries me, before the oncologist said that the Liver was the biggest problem, but I feel that the bowels and digest is what is making my days less positive, I am eating half of my normal portions, because the digest cannot manage with any food I am eating. I hope this will improve...hope will be always shinning, like a star, even the most distant one.

Always friends

We are still on our journey through the puzzling world, Justyna and me are now at half point, it is very absorbing and really helps me to focus on different things. This endeavour is not only fun, as this also makes me tired and requires me to stop for a sandwich and to rest.
Even if I am still very tired, I think there is some improvement. All this also has been contribution from the visits of  friends, today I had Vasco and Sergio, great to have the warmth from friends.

My flowers

It was a quiet and serene day, I planned in the morning to go out for a walk, but in the end I kept in my bedroom, just enjoying what I have to enjoy, my beautiful flowers, We are doing some progresses in the puzzle, Olivia watching films, and the Flowers ornamented themselves with beautiful handmade collars.

In the evening we had a big surprise, the visit of our friends Shubhi and Tom, Afterwards the rest of the evening  was even more relax, with a perfume of positiveness in the air. I need more days like this.

Make up

Not always I feel that I walk ahead, today I had impression that I walk in a different, wrong direction, I was more tired, with more pain and more resigned. I could not find yet the antidote for my sadness and apathy.

Even though, I was still in the company of friends, Sergio had breakfast with us and Gosia and boyfriend had dinner with us.

Good company

Olivia had her first full day in the school, She came home very tired, but also we missed her through the day.
Luckily we had our friend Sergio Baltazar visiting us today, it was great just to sit down and talk about everything, my pains became less important.

Puzzle

Against the boring days, I will try to fight with a puzzle, this is an exercise that I have had already in hands for 4 years, and I never gave the time necessary to complete it.  It has moved with us through our different houses all this years, This days it was lying on the top of the wardrobe getting dusty. Now is time to give it a go again. Justyna joined me in the afternoon, and we had a really nice time. This while Olivia was playing with Kalina, also another source of smile for us, their games and dialogues are just delightful to listen.

Quarantine

Despite the very low white blood cells I decided on my own risk to stay at home and not go to the hospital. Taking antibiotics and paracetamol and stay all day inside bed, I hope will keep the bugs in a controlled distance, until the values of the white cells arise, which I hope will happen in no more than 3 days.

I am aware that I should not approach any day like that, but since morning I was desiring for the night, to challenge the next day. I am scare of a day like this,  the temperature goes up and down, everything is too uncertain, I am also feeling very tired, I just want to go out of this, have a normal day, when I can go out or play with Olivia. Having said that I need to admit, me and Justyna had a very beautiful morning, in bed and listening a CD with some buddhist talks, which filled up our hearts and eventually made us only One.

Massage moments

I am already out of that period until 14th day after the chemotherapy, when the treatment reaches the strongest point, and body the lowest resistance, but I am still weak, and today I went to do the blood tests, and just now I had a call from my GP alerting me that my white blood cells count is very low, Today I do not want to leave the comfort of my bed, but tomorrow morning if I will be still with fever I might need to go to the Royal Free Hospital. For now I started to take some antibiotics that the GP prescribed  hopping that it can help me a bit.

Through the last days, or better evenings I found a new pleasure, a great tender feet massage that Justyna gives me, it helps me relax, I look forward already for this evening's one.

English weather

The day was exactly as the English weather, morning I wake up in a good mood, I joined Justyna to take Olivia to her school, today this had a bigger meaning as this was her first day of having a meal in the canteen, and also we brought some food to the school, in a charity initiative to bring food to  more disadvantaged people from the area.
Later the Sun kept shinning, we had the visit of the child Veena, It was great to have the birthday girl visiting us and to share with her this special day.
Like the weather here in England, in the afternoon the atmosphere changed and the sky became dark, my temperature had gone up, I do not know if I should go to the hospital or not, For now I took paracetamol and probably I will wait for tomorrow to see if I will feel better.