Little efforts

This morning I was planning to go outside, but I gave up after I realised that I had some fever and also my levels of energy only let me to feel comfortable in bed. Luckily it was Sunday and I had all my princess around filling my heart with all what I need.
Olivia did a big and a sweet effort to make me feel better, in the morning she brought me to bed a lovely recovery card and a flower that she picked up in the garden. It is not because of lack of attention and care that I will not gonna get better.

Bath day

This morning I felt in the clouds, I could not believe, after a good night sleep I woke up and I was without any pain, remarkable, and another bonus, the sun was shinning through the windows. All the girls were already downstairs but I kept in bed enjoying this minutes.

The worst came after, I realised it was time to take a shower, nowadays I am like a child, I hate showers and bath, but someday I need to please Justyna :)

Today I had the visit of Gosia and her boy friend, good to see both of them together and finally to meet Janis.

Apollo mission

Through the day I felt a different person, with more energy, Morning I was still recharging in bed but in the afternoon I went for a walk around and on the way I knocked to my neighbour Jim's door and I had a tea and a lovely conversation, just the persistent belly pain keeps in my mind, which I hope that would go away soon. Today I received the pictures of the new citizen of this World, also very multicultural, Apollo is from Portuguese father and Greek mother and lives in Seattle, I can see that only the Moon will be his limit.

Bad day

In the morning I found out that the last results from my blood tests were not too bad, at least until Tuesday the white blood cells were just bellow the recommendable, enough to fight most of the virus, I hope, what made me happy. However, they say the lowest point is reached between the 10th and 14th day after the chemotherapy, and today I am just in the 10 day after.

Today I had a bad day, I had pain, only now in the evening I took my stronger pain killer to see if it will help me to calm. I had an exceptional overreaction to Olivia, Thinking how I behaved, ruined my day. I even throw away an opportunity to relax, as I decided to not go to the Art class, scare of the bugs.

The day was saved because of the visit of Aneta and small Nikodem, But the big mark was the news of the birth of a Boy from our friends Nuno and Tini. Congratulations for the beautiful family.

Yo-yo effect

When I was going to call to know how is the white blood cells count, I realised that it was too late, as this afternoon my GP closes earlier. I am thinking, in theory if something was very bad the GP should have called me, even though the reality is not always like that. Tomorrow I will try to contact them to know the results. The same routine continues, one time I have some fever, hours I have not, after appear again, it is like a yo-yo. Meanwhile I am also sometimes feeling Ok, some others with pain and a lot of discomfort in the belly, like now. I tried a new tea, to test if works. But paracetamol and sleep is still the best remedy.

Independent girl

I am still in prevention :) today I went to the Barnet Hospital to do the blood tests, mainly to check the white blood cells, only tomorrow I will know the results. Funny the big coincidence to find in the same queue for the blood test my oncologist from the Royal Free and neighbour Dr Tim Meyer, I joked with him, because of being for the first time both patients in the Hospital.
Back home I just had time for lunch and I went to the Royal Free Hospital to have done an Echocardiography, this to see how the heart behaves after all chemotherapy.

Of course back home, straight after opening the door I run to bed, I am specially tired today and have a weird sensation in the Liver.

Meanwhile Olivia discovered a new word, which she likes to tell now often, Independent :)

Extra help

I do not know where am I at this moment or where I am going, in the morning I was without fever, now in the evening I am again with fever and with pain in the muscles. I think this chemotherapies sessions results as a mountain to climb, but this moment I do not understand if I still go up or down the hill. Although, I have the feeling that I still need to wait few more days to see from the top.

This afternoon, I went for an acupuncture therapy, to try to get some extra energy and find help for the restlessness, for the immune system, and also for bloated tummy, I hope the needles will help me.

Winter?

Today we did from the weakness our strength, Outside was raining and windy but we did it inside very warm and cosy. We did not leave the bed, but here we found a happy day. I tried to play and interact most of the time with the princess but whenever I could not I would just close the eyes and laugh inside, just from listening Olivia laughing and crying with mummy. Everybody was solidarity with me, through the day all kept in pyjamas, except when Justyna needed to ride to the supermarket to buy few things to my Portuguese meal. Yes, we had Maruca fish, in a traditional way, just boiled with potatoes, green beans and egg, enough to make me even more full and happy.

Sea taste

Since last night the fever decided to appear, not much but enough to keep me alert. Even if this time the chemotherapy dose was lower but the side effects arrived again almost 5 days after the session. I still hope the side effects will not be so intense as last time, and will not affect so much the white blood cells.

Today we had the visit of Sergio and family, since they moved further away in May we did not have a chance to see each other. It was not too long, I was in bed but at least the kids could play a bit. Before they came they past in the Portuguese shop and they bought me a lot of fish, even if frozen will remind me the sea taste of Portugal. I cannot wait for the sardines :)

Weekend!

This afternoon Olivia will tell, finally weekend :) Only after starting school we can fully understand the meaning of weekend. This is her first from many weeks in the school ahead of her. I remember the sensation of reaching Friday and just drop everything in a corner in the bedroom until Monday and only think about play, and of course knowing that in the next days I would not need to wake up and follow schedules. The same with Olivia, this days we still needed to wake up her to go to the school, but tomorrow she will choose when she wants to wake up.

Tighten the belt

Last week I did not expect to be able to do it, but today I felt with energy enough to go to my first Art lesson of the year. For more than three months I have not practise any drawing or painting, so today was big challenge to draw a simple belt. The belt looked without end, it really intimidated me. In the end of the lesson I was exhausted but it was worth to get back and remind the basics of shading.

Bacalhau á Brás

Last night I experienced something that I might need to go back more than thirty years to remember the last time this happened..  Throughout this days I must drink a lot of water to flush out the chemotherapy, this together with the extremely high sugar levels causes me countless visits to the toilet, and because of my laziness this days I decided to take over Olivia's potty. But an accident happened. This morning I was washing the carpet with everything and with the help of the Sun I think now it is better. But I hope it was a lesson for this child :)

Justyna went for her first Art class and I tried to do more things at home, washing carpet of course, doing the lunch, I picked up Olivia. This evening I had a good surprise, the visit of the brother Jeremy, the local priest, It was great the conversation, very Man to Man, He left me with a Good Light inside me.

Olivia was a bit feverish again, she went to bed earlier, I hope Olivia will forgive, but me and Justyna had a lovely meal together, only ourselves, a long time we did not have some minutes like those. And overall the Bacalhau á Brás was divine.

Moving is living

The days are still shinning, I suppose the worst from the chemotherapy has not arrived yet, meanwhile just resting and enjoying this moments with a new issue to speak about, Olivia is starting in her new school. She was great and today went inside to the class on her own.

Today I had the visit of my friend Ken, who I have not seen for a long time, he was very nice to come and speak with me, and he even brought me melons :)

We also have been told today from the British Gas that our huge outstanding bill has been sort out, such a good news.

In the evening I felt to go out, and all went for a ride around the house, good to take fresh air and to the muscles move on.

Remarkable day

This was a long and busy Monday, I had to go to the Royal Free Hospital, there Vasco was waiting and give me company through the chemotherapy session. Thank you for coming and spending the morning with me, it was really important to not be alone :) The dose was in fact reduced, to half of the first session. Although, my head already finds its comfort only when lean on my magic pillow.

The routine in the Hospital went quick, and I managed to arrive at home on time to could also go with Olivia to her first day in the school, A remarkable day for Oli, we almost can say nothing will be the same anymore. In the first day she was very excited only until we got to the school gates, after she was slightly nervous, what is normal, mother stayed with her this afternoon.

The days are full of meaning, My new cousin Ana Luz born yesterday in the Algarve, As we see there are only reasons to celebrate, at least today the family is happy.

Our Love

Not always is me in the spotlight, today was Olivia, She had a bad night, breathless and cough, even the inhaler did not work. So, this morning Justyna went to the Hospital with her. There they needed to give her oxygen and pills to drop the fever. They think, all this might be due to some virus, because she got the lungs inflamed. She is already back home and also will need to take some steroids. Hopefully, she will get better this night, as tomorrow is her first day in the school.

Myself, tomorrow I am back to the Hospital for another chemotherapy session.

Justyna also deserves a word of Love from me and Olivia, she never stops, she is the best mother and wife that we could ever have.

Good Saturday

It was an epic day, I do not remember to have so much energy, at least until the evening. In the morning we decided to treat ourselves with a breakfast out, and afterwards we spent some time with our neighbour Sue, in her garden, the day was wonderful, with a lot of sunshine. In the afternoon I still had some energy left to go and visit Shubhi and Tom. It was a perfect day to turn the page for a more positive one.

The only bad thing is the pain that I am experiencing now every evening, when I go to bed, it is this belly pain, that does not allow me to sleep, I am waiting to see if it goes away.

School girl

It was difficult today to get to the Hospital, Longest trip in a month. Very slowly in the end I reached it for another appointment. This things always bring surprises, So the doctor admitted that the last dose of CAV was in fact too strong, took me the hair and 5 kg. Even though, I will do another chemotherapy cycle next Monday but the dose will be decreased, which hopefully will still have impact on the disease but will not knocked me down. The surprise is, along with this in two weeks I also will submit to radiotherapy, This will go for two weeks and aim only the growth in my neck. I also came home with stronger pain killers and pills to sleep. Not perfect, but I am still in the fight.

I was today in better mood, and the best way to finish was to see Olivia trying all her clothes to the school, she looks very sweet and better, she is excited with this new step.

Running again

In spite of the constant discomfort down in the tummy, this morning I was definitely in better shape, we went out, and even I tried to run for 10 metres with Olivia, After so long in bed I could not feel some of the muscles in the legs. Are they still there?
Tomorrow I will do my first big trip, I will go back to the Royal Free, to know if I will do another chemotherapy session next Monday. To be honest I am not sure what I want.

Out of the burrow

This is a rare moment - this almost extinct specie has been seen in the wild in the last days.

Special book

The day past again between a book, this time a special book, a biography of José Amandio Pereira, kindly offered to me by himself and written by another friend Ana Rita Madruga, lovely to read his beautiful life story and to see inside his great draws, and also at the same time to get to know more about his son and my friend Luis.
The day was also between of course the computer, me and Justyna are trying to watch all the series of Friends.

Too long in bed

It is a strange feeling, even if I have been all the last 3 weeks at home or in the hospital, I have the feeling that the time is going quick, I woke up and soon I am already in time to sleep. Probably the medications has some influence on that, but also the idea of no big deals or perspectives waiting outside also makes this time indoors more comfortable. I remember to have colds few years ago and could not stand to be at home more than 3 days.

Anyway, today I went outside for a longer walk, I think I am feeling a bit more energetic, let us hope this is to continue.

Outside air

I am now with a little cold, what is probably the reason for this persistent fever. Thus, I decided to take antibiotics, the same the GP prescribed me last week before I was admitted to the hospital, to see if this will sort the problem. At lunch time Justyna kicked me out from bed to go outside and came out from bed. Certainly, I am down physical, but I think I feel even more down psychologically and morally.

Early Autunm

So far has been a God day, I have some fever but not enough to worry me. Justyna cut my hair before I would leave all the hair in my bedroom and would be impossible to seat on the table to eat without having a full hairy plate. Yes, the Autumn has arrived firstly on myself, suddenly I am dropping big patches of my hair everywhere.

Today Olivia was kidnapped by Shubhi and Tom and went to buy some more clothes for Olivia's school, I am happy for Olivia, it must be such an exciting time for her.

Back to my childhood

The things are not so good as I was expecting by now, I have been with fever again and still in bed. There is not too much to smile, The good thing is the fact that I can sleep a bit more, means taking advantage of the bed.

Justyna is busy buying clothes for Olivia's uniform, Olivia will have already her first day in the school in the following week, and today we even had the visit of her new teachers, who come introduce themselves to Olivia and to us.

This days I found few simple cartons which I used to see and enjoyed by the hand of Vasco Granja, and for coincidence they are made in Polish, in the time of the Cold War, and apparently Olivia also likes them very much. I think they are so pure and genuine that they are timeless.

See if you can open any of those,

The magic pencil:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxL8Gl_0oSw&playnext=1&list=PL747527BF8A802D30&feature=results_main

Reksio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gOVVxNtUMs

Bolek i Lolek
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWu9Kuf6OHM

This one is from Czech, it's my preferred one, the Krtek
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXgmf7PF98s

Looking for the appetite

I am still very tired, but at least I am at home and today I sat outside for a while to contemplate the gorgeous Sun that has been shinning. My lack of energies probably it is also due to the all weight I lost since started the chemotherapy, I used to have 66 Kg and now I am with 62 Kg, I need to do some effort and bring back my voracious appetite.

Hampstead Spa

Sorry to be away and without saying nothing for so long, but in fact Friday when I went to Royal Free hospital, they did not let me leave any more, the white blood cells were very low and the temperature showed signs if any infection in the body. Since then I have been in a special room, pressurized room and having all this 5 days antibiotics to the drip.

Even with this fantastic view from my private room, and with TV, I missed so much to be at home with Justyna and Olivia :)

Now the plan is to go and see the oncologist only in a week, the chemotherapy will need for sure to be put on the hold. One step at the time, I also need some rest.