Mixed Friday

It has been a better day, until now ! Justyna just called me now from the GP and apparently from the blood tests done yesterday, my Neutrophils are too low, absent. Also I have a big temperature, so I am waiting from Justyna to head to the hospital.

Each Day at a Time

The tenth day was not the dream day that I expected, I saw fever back and sore throat. We went to see the advise from the GP, he found some white patches in the throat and told me to take antibiotic in the case of  an infection. I went as well to the nearest Hospital to do the blood test, so tomorrow I will know how are the white cells. Meanwhile, this afternoon I spent relaxing and listening in the Net A Caderneta de Cromos de Nuno Markle, it is hilarious to listen him bringing to life normal things from 80's.
Now close to the bed time, I am better.

The ninth day

Today there will be no complains. Since morning the fever has been much lower and the body is with more energies and less ache. I even wanted to go for a little walk, but it was the weather that did not let me to go out. It was also lovely to see Olivia much happier having father more around.

Uncertainty

The same dilemma again, morning a lot of belly pain, but with a bit more energy, which took me for a short walk around. But suddenly this afternoon I am again with fever and do not know what should I do. I do not want to spend another night in the hospital.

More energies

Fortunately this morning I woke up with less fever, what made me happy, At least for now the scenery of needing to go to the hospital is out. I had more energies today. I just have a pain in my tummy that appeared today and is upsetting me very much. There will be always something to upset me :)
Tonight I will have a treat, Shubhi and Tom dropped me a nice Tuna meal, which they know I love. For a moments I will try to not think in the belly pain.

High Fever

The fever has increased today, If it does not improve tomorrow I might need to go to the Hospital again. It has not been easy for me to keep my mood and faith up.

Fish and Chips

Last night I was already back home, they did a lot of tests and exams, but in spite of the moderated high fever they did not find any infection and also the blood counter, the white, red blood cells and platelets were not too low, so they told me to go home. Today I am still with some fever and the same pain through the whole of my body, but if there is no infection I just need to bee patient and with help of pain killers find the way out from this. Justyna is using some secrets to keep me eating, yesterday and today was the Fish and Chips.

Visit to the Hospital

The chemotherapy hit me this night, I am with pain in the muscles and articulations, plus fever. It might be the immune system. From the hospital, they advised to come straight, to see if it is any infection and it is what will do as good citizen.
Have a nice week end.

Out for flower

My day is easy to describe, I just sniffed outside doors two times, one in the morning and another in the afternoon, both to pick up a flower to Olivia. I am tired and with cramps in some parts of the body, I hope for everything that experiencing this needle-pain means the chemotherapy is going where it should.

Olivia since arrived from Portugal has been worst from the asthma, yesterday she was awoke most of the night, this morning Justyna went to the doctor with her, and it looks that it is a combination of Asthma and some allergy. I am worried but it is necessary to keep calm.

Also, today she started to buy the first bits of her new school uniform, firstly was the new shoes.

Inspirational

The night was very long, I did not take the anti-sickness at the diner and after I paid for that, I was sick through all the night. I had the stomach empty what did not help. I only fall asleep in the morning, I am resting with small naps, which is better than nothing. Today I have been always over the anti-sickness to prevent the same problem as last night. Olivia was all morning and afternoon with me, what gave me a big inspiration to go through one more day.

Pirate bay

My head is feeling as if inside a bucket of water, because of the massive yesterday dose, but also because of the uncontrolled high sugar levels. To try to control the sugars I cut it straight from today the anti-sickness, as this ones are pure bombs of steroids. Lets hope those anti-sickness will not be necessary. So far the appetite has been up and sickness down. This morning I managed to walk outside to follow the treasure hunt from a group of small pirates around Barnet.

Happy Hour

Giving the circumstances, I woke up quite relaxed, not too excited with the idea of coming back again to the chemotherapy ward, but at least there is some treatment which will keep me distracted and could help me to get rid of this. But before, tonight I had an unusual and beautiful dream, that followed me through all day. I was a monk in a Monastery and I had the most beautiful experience, being lucky to witness the greatest tributes of the human being, unlimited kindness for his friend. I cried during the dream and also when I woke up.

I am sure for some reason I had a dream like this, almost in the front doors of the chemotherapy room. Justyna come along with me, This time the sessions are shorter, not much more than an hour. But in compensation the Happy Hour is very intense, the nurse does not stop injecting fluids through the veins, almost until my arm freezes and my head become drowsy. The nurse reassured me that this is first quality products, we are speaking about a strong drugs, One of the substances is a son of the Mustard Gas used in the first world war, just adapted to not kill everything, at least something to be left to the next session. Now I am at home and feeling not too bad, still eating and not all the time in the bed. For now there is only reasons to be glad.

The tiger who came to tea

If it was not the fact that now I am feeling so exhausted, I would call it the best day I could have before I start the chemotherapy tomorrow. I feel so tired, as if I had already the treatment. But the good thing is that we all had a great day in the centre, we went to a theatre with Olivia, to see the play The Tiger who came to tea. It was a gift from Shubhi and Tom for Olivia's birthday that only now we were able to unwrap. The play made me jealous of the appetite that the tiger always had, I want it back as well.

Through the play we had the company of our friends Rob and Sandra, We do not see often, but it is always a great day when we get to meet.

Hottest day

Today was a better day, I am still tired, with a bit of sickness, but with much less pain in the abdomen. Last night I slept on the floor, I rested better, I think the mattress in the bed does not help me. With this, Olivia thanked, as she was promoted to the bed and to sleep with mother.
Today was the hottest day of the year, over 30 degrees, Me and Olivia tried to do the same as in Portugal, when was hot, we both had a nice siesta in the afternoon.
Slowly, my levels of positiveness will arise again. It is always the same story, Up and Down.

To finish the day in the best way, we had the pleasure of the visit from Tom, Shubhi and Tazz, having teas and cups of water with us.

Balloon of oxygen

Today when I was expecting the same, we had instead some good news, I would call it a balloon of oxygen. I met Dr Tim Meyer, he said that in fact I cannot go to the trial he mentioned to me last week, but I will do a chemotherapy, which is a combination of three substances, one is exactly the same as it is in the trial. I was bit surprise with this option, as I never heard about it, and I asked him, if this is something new, he was very surprised and discomfort with my question, and replied to me asking me why am I putting such a question, and Justyna said that not long time ago a different oncologist said that the Everolimus, my last pill, would be the last option for me from the Royal Free. Tim Meyer, understood what we wanted to say, and he asked us which doctor said that, because according to him, this should not have been told to us, because in the plan there is this option and if does not work there is much more to come. So, at least we were very relived just to know that we are not yet in the end of the line.

For now, the plan is to go this Monday to Royal Free to receive the first chemotherapy session, the doctor said something that I do not know if should make me happy or unhappy, For him the growths are definitely increasing its path, growing faster, and normally at this stage the chemotherapy tend to be more efficient, Great to know :)

While we were away, Olivia had a special treat, as Veena stayed with her all morning and afternoon, I do not know all what they have been doing, but Olivia looked very relaxed and happy.

In search for energies

Olivia slowly is meeting all her friends, that have not see for a long time. Today we had the visit of her Brazilian friend Jean. The good from all this is the fact of Olivia looks happy.

This morning I had a call from the UCL, they confirmed what I already thought, I cannot enter the trial, because I had more chemotherapy than supposed, so I even do not fill up the conditions for that trial. Sometimes there is things that tun up to be better, so let us hope this means something good. Tomorrow, I will be back to the Royal Free, and the oncologist will explain me again why I cannot have the drugs from the trial and will tell me any other choice. Today I also found more energies. In the other day a friend was telling me that I will need to find energies where I thought would not exist to fight this. I am searching.

More confusion

I do not know if it was the news, or the end of the holidays, or even a up-coming flu, but I was all day in bed, I feel pain in the muscles and a huge tiredness that does let me to stand up. Today, I had a call from the Oncologist from the Royal Free, he wants to see me again this Friday, as he spoke with the colleges from the Trials in the UCL, and now wants to tell me something else. To be honest, and I think I never said that, but today I lost all the hopes, so I do not give to much importance for the meeting next Friday. I am already feed up with all this. If it needs to be, let it be smoothly and let me find the beauty of this.

It is not funny

From what I am going through, I do not understand how I still can laugh, and Vasco caught it in the picture. Today, I had my first day in the UCL, in the Clinical Research Facilities, everybody there is looking for a miracle from a new drug. Myself, to go ahead, depends from some tests done to my general condition. At the moment I have one problem, the fact that I have done already more than two types of chemotherapy.

This trial is a combination of two drugs, the doxorubicin, plus the secret substance named PM01183, the first does not offer doubts, it is something that has been used in a lot of types of cancer, not so much in the Neuroendocrines, but according to the doctor it is active in my type of Cancer. How much? depends. But the unknown drug offers me more doubts, for its risks. Because until now has been used only in animals, and even if the animals tolerated well, they still do not know how it will be tolerated in the humans. They also, will try to find on me the maximum tolerated dose, which is the risky thing.

For now I brought home a lot of material to read, and in the next week I will come back to set up the future. The days are difficult to take anything positive, I will need to jump again for the other side. But to be honest, often I have thoughts, if I am now more close to the end or to the beginning.

Big trip

Since Friday I dropped  the pills Everolimus, because it did not work as we wanted, but since then I have been feeling more tired than before, I am now always in bed, because of the tiredness but also belly pain. Even with my friends here I could jumped from bed. Tomorrow I will be in the hospital in the morning to discuss this trial. Hopefully will be something good for me.

In the evening we went say bye to Neil, it is already tomorrow he is going to Australia, We will miss him a lot.

Portuguese day

I did say, in the last day we crabbed more three medals to Portugal, actually the podium was all Portuguese. The athletics they were in the streets for the marathon, but the medals were already attributed to us.
We had a good time, and finally I tasted the Olympic atmosphere before it was going away. I guess after this, or better after the Para-Olympics all London will be depressed.
With so much activity when I backed home in the afternoon I had a good sleep. It is good also to have Gosia back again to our home for few weeks.

Next step

The life does not stop, and this morning I had already a call from the U.C.L.Hospital, to come this Tuesday to discuss the future treatment. This weekend has been very pleasant, we have here with us Sofia, Julian and the little Samara. Olivia and Samara look as if they are a very old friends. This afternoon we spent in Shubhi's house, for Neil's farewell party, he is off to Australia for a while. We all wish the best for Neil, I am sure he will bring a lot of good things for all his patients.

More chemotherapy

The holidays come to an end today, I went this morning to the Oncologist and the news were unfortunately the worst, The same Deja-vu, The doctor said the tumours are getting stronger, nothing is making them to stop, In the neck is definitely few times bigger and the same with the Liver, The technology, CT scan showed this evidence but also the manual way, metric tape that the doctor used to measure the growths said the same. I listen all that, as if I listened a bad mark in the school, In fact before I saw the doctor I was nervous, and  I had the feeling, like a kid before the exam, I just wanted to go inside and listen the results, whatever it was. Listen and get home, to my World.

The Future does not want to smile for me, but I will carry on, Next week I will be transferred to a different Hospital and doctor, I will have another chance, In the UCLH I will go to try a trial. I will do a different chemotherapy, made of two substance, For only one drug there is evidence that is active in my type of Cancer. But from here, everything is experimental. Anyway, there is cases of a drugs trial being successful. I also, have some other chances, following my body and my own believes. So, I feel as if everything is still not lost.
With all that, at home I did not have much time to dive in my bad thoughts, because Sofia, Julian and Samara come to visit us, In contradiction, but it was not a bad day. Friends do miracles.

Bath in London

Olivia does not want to finish her season of baths, actually the water in this swimming pool is warmer than the water in the beach of Portugal, She had the company from her friend Kalina throughout all day. In this way, the shock of coming back to London was smother. I travelled to the Hospital to have my CT scan done, and tomorrow I will be there again, to know the details.
Honestly, I would prefer to live my life without CT scans, just carry on and only thrust in myself. Today I wanted to stay all day at home, not open the door to not face the days ahead.

London 2012

Such a day, in the morning we still managed to go and say bye bye to Carla and kids as well as to the beach, I flew to England in the afternoon, still with the sand and the salted body from the sea, now I will postpone my shower as long as possible. It sounds as a dream, but we are already back to London, It looks that I am with a mission to take the first gold medal to Portugal in the Olympics, lets see if I will come on time.

The period that we have been away I feel as it was a fraction, an eye blink. But in the end this is our World, we have a lot of good things to appreciate here, at least we have always each other and plus a lot of friends, so it will be always more than enough.
From Portugal, I bring all the good energies, my friend Patricia in the last minute gave me something that touched me very much. From the time we arrived in London we had straight a lot of warm and friendly hugs, from our friends Tom and Shubhi.

Mexico in Lisbon

It was difficult to leave home in the Algarve, special to see my mother crying in the bus station, the life of an emigrant it is not easy. In Lisbon we had a great reception, In the evening we had a special Mexican meal with friends. Also, this afternoon I had a taste of the traffic in the bridge of Lisbon, to remember how it was when I lived here, busy as usual. I went to meet the people that are living in my house in Palmela, I was happy with them.